Sometimes it can be very challenging for Christian single men and women to connect with other single Christians. Women often have an idea in their minds of how they want a man to approach them. Whether it's by the skies opening up and a light from God shining down on "The One", or someone simply introducing a man to you. We so often have unrealistic expectations on this "encounter". In actuality it rarely, if at all, happens the way that we plan it to happen. God is such an awesome and creative creator. He thought are so often not like ours.
I'm a firm believer in God bringing someone across your path, and two people coming together organically by God. No shining lights, no skies opening, and nothing spooky spiritual; but 100% of God. Not saying that God can't open the skies and shine a light on someone; because at the end of the day he's still God. But let's align our expectations on the faith aspects in our lives, and not the physical.
I'm a happily married man now, but that process of singleness was not easy or clear cut...as you can probably see in one of my previous blog posts about me being single 7 years. I heard the processes that God took others on, and I was wondering if it was gonna happen with me the same way. It didn't.
In my time of singleness, I experienced a plethora of turn downs. Some harsh, some deep for no reason, and some funny. Most of the deep for no reason ones were funny. All of the examples I list either happened to me or someone else. But, here's my list of 3 things a Christian woman don't have to say to turn a man down:
1. Let's just be friends first, and see where it goes.
On the surface, you may say this is a great statement to make. Which is partially true. But when this statement is made just to give someone a false hope, it's better left unsaid. A person usually knows when they're feeling led to pursue something with someone or not. There's a peace about it. But you don't have to give this false hope, to turn a man down.
2. God didn't tell me you're the one.
First, I'd like to say it's not that deep. You don't have to make ourselves be deep when we don't have to. Many times we're either not attracted to someone, or they don't satisfy some desire we have. Whether they don't "look like money", have money, or they don't have the shape or figure that we want. When this person doesn't don't meet these things, that feeling that we call "God", is just some of our unmet expectations. It's not that deep. So, don't drown for nothing.
3. Let me pray about it.
Again, on the surface you may say this is a great statement to make. Which is partially true. But usually, you're not attracted to this person, but you're trying to create something so you don't "miss out on your blessing". Some would pose the question, "Do you have to be physically attracted to the person?" The answer is YES, if you want to be physically attracted to the person. Read that again if you didn't catch that. Many Christians now-a-days are seeking something so deep, that they'll miss the simplicity of how God is trying to work.
What ever happened to just saying, "I'm not interested"? No, that might be a little to regular for some of us. I say this to many people that I talk to about relationships, it is very rare that something extraordinary or super spiritual happens for people to get together. Can God literally tell someone that they're "The one"? Yes, but most of the time things are really REGULAR. But it's our responsibility to keep the standard of God at the forefront of the process.
We don't have to make super spiritual or rude statements to turn a man down that you aren't interested in. Just tell him you're not interested. Most guys should get the point. You also never have to tear a man down to turn him down either. We should still show the standard of God, even when we have to get firm with people.
As long as you are hungering after God and you are focused on doing his will, you will never miss your blessing. God will give you peace concerning your mate, and it don't have to be that deep. You'll just feel peace about pursuing something with them. If we trust God to put it together, it will stay together.