My Church Leadership Offended Me!

I often have the chance to talk with different people that leave churches because they were let down by the pastor, they didn't feel welcomed by one of the ushers, or they just flat-out felt like the leadership shouldn't have done "that". While this may in fact be true, I want to give a perspective that we don't often think about.

Being a follower of Jesus Christ, it's important that we surround ourselves with likeminded people. While surrounding ourselves with other believers in fellowship, even those brothers or sister may offend or sin against us. But what happens when someone of leadership offends us, or sins against us? What do we do then? Do we just leave? Or do we just stay...and be bitter? I would say neither. There is two different issues that I just named, "Just leaving" or "Just staying and being bitter". If you "just leave" it is bound to follow to wherever you go next. And if you "just stay and be bitter", you will ultimately sow discord, bitterness, and gossip to everyone around you. Which will destroy everything. No one wants that.

Gods grace?

Leadership offending us seems to be a little different than a regular member offending us, huh? This is the person we learn from and spiritually respect, right? It is very important to remember that while a leader is in a position of authority, that does not mean that they are flawless or infallible. They are just as human as us, and every other person that needed Gods grace in the bible. Yes, I understand that he has a great impact in the lives of those that he ministers to, maybe even your life, but that does not mean that he will never mess up or miss the mark. It's unfair and unbiblical to have this train of thought. 

James 3:1 "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly."

This explains to us how teachers of the Gospel will be judged more strictly in the day of judgment, but that still doesn't mean we should hold them to the "righteousness" of Jesus. There's a balance that we must have. Honestly, in the culture that we live in, the more involved a leader is, the greater the possibility of something happening that will offend someone. Doesn't have to be sin, could just be a character flaw or differentiation. And with that, sadly, familiarity could cause lack of respect in their leadership. And at the point, things could get a little more complicated. Am I saying that a leader should not hang around people that aren't leaders? Of course not lol. I'm saying that we must understand and have that balance.

Gotta have balance.



Sometimes it can be difficult for a Christian to understand the balance of a leaders humanness and their leadership. If offended, it would be natural to think that it must be us that did something wrong, when in actuality leaders aren't perfect. They can sin or make mistakes just like every other human on this earth. But hopefully, they don't want to practice sin nor want to have a negative impact in the lives of others. If so, I wouldn't believe that they're not a leader that God placed there. 

So, we ask ourselves how do we handle conflicts?

Matthew 18:15 "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

Leviticus 19:17-18 "You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself, I am the Lord."

What really is the issue?

Take some time to re-evaluate the issue at hand. See what the issue really is. Is this issue really from what the leader did to us, or did it just trigger something in us from a past hurt? Reading Gods word and taking time to pray is really important in truly finding the root of the issue. Maybe you could write down what's making you upset, and pray on what you wrote down. Make sure that you aren't praying out of bitterness or spite, but sincerely praying for His will and clarity. Our focus must be on a solution, not just to build on and exploit the problem.

Don't let this dilute your relationship with God!

NEVER let a problem with a human disrupt your relationship with God. Just because a person in leadership, or anyone within the church body, does harm or wrong in your understanding, never blame God. It's probably not God nor the devil that is making this happen. It is probably the leader failing a test of temptation, or maybe it's just our perception...depending on the issue. But it is VERY important in this time to seek God for wisdom, humility, and right standing in order to address these issues. We literally need God to show us the direction, and give us peace and support in finding a solution to issues.

SEEK COUNSEL!!

One other thing that we should also do is get guidance. Not guidance for a bias, messy, or gossiping friend, but guidance from someone whom you trust will sincerely want to help. This is also something that you must pray upon. 

Proverbs 20:18 "Prepare plans by consultation, and make war by wise guidance.

Proverbs 24:5-6 "A wise man is strong, and a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.

Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory.

One of the greatest benefits of receiving advice from someone else (that's not bias) is that it provides a different perspective. It can reveal things that you might not have thought about, and it also might even help you understand your perspective better. Advice is not a bad thing. But I'm sure one may ask, is seeking advice about an issue gossip? Gossip is a matter of the heart and the intent. If the intent of sharing the issues is to just vent, and show other people how wrong someone is, then thats gossip. But if the heart and intent is to sincerely try to come up with a way to solve the issue, it is not gossip. Just make sure that they person that you talk to isn't a gossiper.

Humility is important!!

Humility is the greatest approach. To anything! Especially issues. Humility, allows you to actually focus on the issue at hand, and not trying to prove your point to be right. Whenever a person approaches an issue in a prideful manner, that person is not open to understanding the truth regarding the issue. They will be stubborn in their ways, and they will never reach a solution that is contrary to their own thinking. Even if their thinking is wrong. We must give the benefit of the doubt; just as we would want someone to give to us.

Solution...

Okay, let's look at it. You have gotten a better grip on the issue, got some godly advice from a reliable source, NOT GOSSIPED, spent some time with God, cooled your emotions off, humbled down, NOW, it's time to talk with the person that offended you.

Hopefully you are able to meet this person face to face, that's always better. Can be intimidating to some, but it is the best way to address issues. Of course, it's not always possible, but it is best. When you meet face to face, you may have wrote things down at home to bring up, but try to be as natural as you can. Be very honest, and try not to over or under-exaggerate. Be truthful and honest, in a humble spirit. Even if the other person isn't.

This talk is to bring understanding and unity, not to singlehandedly vent frustrations and prove how wrong one is. Be very gracious, loving, and ultimately forgiving. Don't let anger and wrath creep up on you while you explain your point of view. You want to always maintain the spirit of humility, and mind of understanding. This is achieved through listening, and being open to a different point of view. Being offended by anyone, especially leadership, isn't easy. But there is a way to approach an issue without causing strife or malice. Let's continue to seek God, and allow His perfect wisdom to lead us in our steps to address and move forward.

Hopefully the issue at hand gets resolved, and God gets the victory!