We have all had those friends of the opposite sex, that we considered "just friends". It was always very easy to hide feelings behind the title, but still be close to the person at the same time. We're "just friends" is what we would say. Now, don't get me wrong, there might be some people out there that feel they have opposite sex friends and never felt this way. But by the end of this blog, I want you to examine if you are really "just friends".
When we are younger in age, we don't really pay attention to the sex of a person when it comes to friendships. We just want someone to ride bikes, and play our toys with. Although our parents and their friends would say "how cute" we looked playing with them, we never really payed it any mind. We were just friends. But what happens when the innocence is gone? What happens we start to understand feelings, and begin to become attracted to a person? It's still cute and cuddly, but would you still be "just friends".
Knowledge brings about recognition. And whenever our view of something is even slightly distorted, our outlook on that thing will change. But, let me explain.
I've had many female friends that I was close to, but eventually one of us would have feelings for the other. Hold on, let's take a step back really quick. If you have an opposite sex friend from childhood, you probably still have the same mindset towards them as when you were a child; that's if your mindset about them wasn't distorted...or in other words, if neither one of you never caught feelings for one another. This is one of those rare cases that we could view each other as "just friends", and it be purely just that. But most of the time, if we are honest with ourselves, deep down inside we thought about "hooking up" with them. Or, we had the feeling that the other person was interested in us.
As stating earlier, I've had female friends that I was close to, but eventually one of us would catch feelings. Sometimes it wasn't anything planned, but it just happened. Other times I knew what I was doing, and I wanted to use that "just friends" or "my sister" title as an excuse to get closer to her; just to see if I could wiggle my way in the "friend zone". Because the guys know, once you're in the "friend zone" you're almost "there". Ok, I may be breaking a man code right now.
On the contrary, we can really have pure motives and want to be "just friends" because the person is "super cool". Then, down the line, we find out from other people that they think we're "cute". Then, as stated earlier, when knowledge is distorted the outlook will change. And unfortunately, the outlook is changed. But we don't want to say anything to make things difficult or awkward, so we try to make it seem like it's all good and we can still be "just friends"...because
1. We like the attention anyway.
2. We had feelings for them too.
Or, 3. We don't want them to feel bad.
But whichever it may be, the motives aren't "just friends" for both parties anymore. Honestly, if you're mature enough minded, and single, it's almost obsolete that you will meet new people of the opposite sex and one of you not see the other as a potential.
On the other hand, we have people that we've already been intimate with. These are the relationships that didn't work out, but you both remained on good terms. You decided not to be in a relationship, but you thought that "just friends" would be ok. Things can never be "just friends", because you've already been intimate with the person. And because you've already been intimate with the person, you've expressed to each other that you're attracted to them in some way. You can't just turn that off.
I'm saying these things to say this:
Would you want your wife/husband to be close to someone that finds him/her attractive that way? Would you want your girlfriend/boyfriend to be close to someone that they have had close relations with, even it's in the name of "just friends"?
Would you want to lead someone on like you are interested in them, when you're really not. Would you want someone to lead you on in that way?
(These are rhetorical questions)
If you're single and it comes to opposite sex friends, they're not always a good idea to be consistent with, unless you have purpose behind that consistency. If not, hope will be deferred on one end eventually. When you're in a relationship and it comes down to opposite sex friends, they're not a good idea to be consistent with. Someone is usually attracted to the other, and this has the potential to create serious complications down the road. It's ok to have people of the opposite sex that you know, but it's important that both sides of the relationship knows them; so it never seems like there are hidden motives. Be consistent with purpose.
This helps a lot , God bless You ...Now i understand why it doesn't work for me every time !!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading!
DeleteThanks for this!!! Am going to stop being consistent
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